48031543 2008-7-16 22:53
汉英翻译中的“中式英语”2
改译后，"大会"和"筹备"都只出现过一次，句子简练一些。
(6)"为了推动中美关系的发展，中国需要进一步了解美国，美国也需要进一步了解中国。"
初译：To promote the development of China-US relations, China needs to know the US better and the US also needs to know China better.
改译：To promote China-US relations, China needs to know the US better and vice versa.
改后译文避免了重复，英文较顺。
(7)"依法治国……建立社会主义的法制国家"
初译：govern the country by law…and build the socialist country ruled by law累赘且费解。
改译：exercise the rule of law…and turn China into a socialist country with an adequate legal system这样避免出现两个"country"，层次比较清楚。
四、过多使用修饰词。汉语中经常用很强的副词修饰动词和形容词，用形容词修饰名词，以加重语气。而译成英语时需要斟酌，不能一字一字地照译，否则往往强调过头，效果相反，削弱了原文的力量。例如：
(8)"我们要继续坚定不移地坚持以经济建设为中心。
我们要继续坚定不移地推进改革开放。
我们要继续坚定不移地保持社会稳定。
我们要继续坚定不移地贯彻执行独立自主的和平外交政策。"
a. We will continue to unswervingly focus on economic development. We will continue to unswervingly press ahead with reform and opening-up. We will continue to unswervingly carry out the independent foreign policy of peace.
b. We will steadfastly focus on economic development, resolutely press ahead with reform and opening-up, persistently maintain social stability and unswervingly pursue the independent foreign policy of peace.
c. We will unswervingly focus on economic development, press ahead with reform and opening-up, maintain social stability and pursue the independent foreign policy of peace.
四个“坚定不移地”全译成unswervingly，这样的英译文不仅不能加重语气，反而弱化并显得累赘。如果译成不同的副词也不可取，给人以副词堆砌的感觉。只用一个副词修饰四个动词应该就可以了。
再如：“彻底粉碎”completely smash, "smash"本意就是break completely，已经包含了“彻底”的意思，加上completely语气反而弱化。
“完全征服”completely conquer, "conquer"不可能是partly。
“极为可耻”extremely shameless，"shameless"已是最高级。
“伟大的历史性转变”This is a great historic change。在英语里，historic已经包含了great的意思。
五、不适当的省略。有时汉语简洁，但译成英文必须补缺。
(9)"农业搞好了，农民能自给，五亿人口就稳定了。"
初译：If agriculture is in good shape and the peasants self-supporting, then the 500million people will feel secure.
改译：If agriculture is in good shape and the peasants are self-supporting,…
前半句主语和动词都是单数，后半句主语是多数，因而必须据此加一复数动词而不能省略。
(10)"人的意志想要避免，也不可能。"
It cannot be avoided even if people want to 必须加avoid it. 前半句avoided是被动，而后半句avoid是主动，因而不能省略。
六、拟人法。这种现象在汉语中经常出现。而在译成英语时，往往因受汉语字面影响使译文有Chinglish的味道。
(11)"中国社会主义建设的航船将乘风破浪地驶向现代化的光辉彼岸。"
a. The ship of China's socialist construction will brave the wind and waves and sail to the glorious destination of modernization。"ship"没有生命，而搞modernization的主语应当是人。
b. China will stride forward in building socialism, like a ship braving the wind and the waves, towards the glorious destination of modernization.
(b)例译文并不理想，但克服了拟人化，比(a)略有改进。